For nearly two months my brain has been growing this blog baby. Pages of notes, several rough drafts, many unsatisfying sketches, and a lot of insecurity later, I feel good about introducing y’all to The Claim Runner, a place where I’ll chronicle mental health exercises and devotion to my more-faithful-than-I God, all alongside my daily disciplinary practices for running. As I tangibly pull through seasons of strength or injury, hopes and disappointments, God reveals similar workouts and climates in my heart, my relationship with Him and others. The temporary body reflects the eternal soul; my pathetic practices glorify His sovereign aliveness.
Since teenage years, I’ve been a recovering perfectionist, ever neurotic, who struggles with symptoms of depression, anxiety, OCD, and self harm/suicidal thoughts. Counselors have listened to my limited perspective and given me life-saving exercises to practice overcoming mental obstacles for healthier relationships and the *response-ability* to look forward with hope instead of dread. They have helped me find the ingredients in my overwhelming darkness soup to keep helpful thoughts and discard harmful ones.
I have a degree in English, no expertise in psychology. I don’t have conclusive answers, and I often revert to unhealthy thinking... but I have a lot of curiosity and determination to experiment in joy with my supportive husband to show our three little boys how to let God love them in an overwhelming world full of other confused, unhealthy, overcoming and precious travelers.
Old ways die hard, so I am always confronting my initial despair with realistic hope, wobbling on the edge of cognitive distortions and absolute thinking to claim what’s good and true and helpful, while rejecting what is false and harmful. Life is not black or white, nor are there only shades of gray; many colors of thought exist in mysterious shades of emotion for exploration in truth. Some moments are painful struggles — holy, worthwhile, purposeful, and redeemable. Thank Jesus for the freedom we have to wander and practice as He tenderly shows us the way.
Boundaries are a big deal to me, from tiny personal practices to big relational ones. Eating and exercise used to be weapons I used against myself because I could control those, unlike people or some situations. Now they’re medicinal tools I’ve accepted as gracious gifts from God to propel my mind and body through varying seasons in this mystifying life. I get to choose what I consume, what I refuse, and how I practice—in body, mind, and spirit. And I am going to stick close to Him because he is the source of Life through the many facets that require vigilant discernment — and LOTS of grace to learn from mistakes.
What is a constant challenge or discipline in your life that tethers you to God's presence?
It helps me find Christ's strength in my weakness when I contemplate how the worst thing about me is also the best thing about me. What's yours?
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